Miss Breastfeeding

On Saturday we visited friends with a 4 month old gorgeous little formula fed baby. The mommy said her milk dried up after 2 weeks and even though my heart was sore and I had ooodles of things to say and advise to give, I said, "you tried your best and don't let anyone tell you otherwise" and left it at that.

When I foolishly fumbled with the formula bottle trying to feed the little angel, her husband said something that cut me to the core:

"Miss Breastfeeding"

He meant it as a joke, probably to make me feel better about being so clumsy with the bottle. But he has no idea. NO. IDEA.

What I went through trying to breastfeed

I fought through a traumatic emergency ceaser, baby's bad latch that left me with blistered and bleeding nipples for 8 weeks. Stupid hospital staff that offered formula top up and interfered with my already struggling latch. Vasospasms and nipple blanching, that sent me through the roof with pain, when I had a let down. A crying baby for 5 days straight (no lies), because of my milk supply being low or colic and the bad latch not helping rectify the matter. I was in constant agonising pain for 8 weeks straight, because of the bad latch and much of the rest of the time too, due to the vasospasms. I've had plugged ducts resulting in mastitis 5 times and 4 other less severe. I now know I had bad postpartum depression, but figured I was tired and sore most of the time, so surely, feeling like nothing is worth while, is normal under the circumstances...

After returning to work, when baby was just over 4 months old,  I pumped at work for more than a year, through being dead tired and frustated, which doesn't help your milk supply, through a hospitalised baby, through work issues. Through all of this. And I kept on. I have learnt so much through all of this and will do things much differently if I could have it all over, but breastfeeding was one of the most difficult things I've ever done in my life and I did it.

It wasn't easy for me

So calling me "Miss Breastfeeding" like it's the easiest thing on earth makes me mad with anger, and hurts me deeply. Here is the vent I could not share with him... Here is the wishing people would try harder and judge less... Here's hoping one of you new struggling moms will get something out of this. I sometimes call my breastfeeding journey "stupidly persistent", but I wanted it. BAD. If you want it, you CAN have it. As you were.

Copyright: Tamsyn Kent